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Joke of the Day

"BAlls and Pen*s are best friends Balls to penis: why the fcuk you leave me when u see a hole or 2 mountains? Penis: coz thats the only time i really need you"

"Just think if the kids that made Frosty the Snowman brought two carrots that day."

"That awkward moment when your in super deep thought. Then 3 minutes later you realize you are staring directly at someone."

"There's no such thing as detoxing your body, but enjoy spending three hundred bucks on your diarrhea."

"How can I smile when 28% of Americans aren't getting enough fiber?"

"I've requested to be buried in a spring loaded casket filled with confetti so that a future archeologist will have one awesome day at work."

"How do you feel if subjected to temperatures of absolute zero? 0K"

"Relationship status : Taken (for granted)"

"You'd think after 12 years of filming Boyhood someone would be like hey maybe we should make this good."

"Why did it take so long for Americans to beat Germany in WW2? They weren't Russian."