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Joke of the Day

"Daughter comes home with shirt inside out. Me: Why is your shirt on wrong? Daughter: I think you old people call it: ""second base"""

"Maybe ask the judge if your sentence is in dog years or regular years and they'll prob just laugh and let you go you got tweets to write man"

"The older Cameron Diaz gets, the more she and Mickey Rourke look like brothers."

"What do you call the style of facial hair native americans grow. A-Patch-ey Its all i got"

"Conductor do you stop at the Savoy Hotel? I should say not on my salary!"

"Smiling is disencoursged in my country. It isn't illegal but it is frowned upon."

"To the people who will be posting 9/11 jokes this month: Please don't do it. Making jokes about 9/11 is just **plane** wrong. ~~dontkillmeforthis~~"

"[Bar] ""What'll you have"" Scotch ""You want it neat"" No thanks *bartender throws some crumbs and hair in my whisky* Thanks"

"Hey, strippers named ""Elantra"". It's too late to grow some self respect but at least read Car and Driver before picking a name."

"What's the difference between Frankenstein and boiled potatoes? You can't mash Frankenstein."