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Joke of the Day

"Conductor do you stop at the Savoy Hotel? I should say not on my salary!"

"Help! I can't post anything on Reddit! Pls help!"

"Facebook: ""Hey why are you making dumb jokes?! Some of us are praying over here!"" Me: *backs away slowly* [My Twitter origin story]"

"What did one little lesbian frog say to the other? ""We really do taste like chicken!"""

"It's not really fair that little kids can talk and dogs can't. I bet dogs have way cooler stories and they don't ask as many dumb questions."

"Hillary Clinton isn't a female. She's just an F she deleted the emale."

"911 what's your emergency? I FARTED ON THE FIRST DATE. Ma'am we don't-- IT SOUNDED LIKE A BALLOON ANIMAL ASKING A QUESTION"

"Last night a hypnotist convinced me I was a soft, malleable metal with an atomic number of 82... ...I'm easily lead"

"3 men, hard of hearing: ""Its Windy out, isn't it?"" ""No, it's Thursday"", responds the second; to which the third replies ""Me too, let's go grab a beer""."

"Dad just dropped this at my cousin's 8th birthday party...I was the only one to burst out laughing.. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles."