100710

Joke of the Day

"[Bar] ""What'll you have"" Scotch ""You want it neat"" No thanks *bartender throws some crumbs and hair in my whisky* Thanks"

"A dentist goes to another dentist to fix a cavity. When his dentist started to explain the procedure, he stopped him and said, ""Don't worry, I know the drill."""

"Sometimes when people talk to me, I scream and beat my chest. It not only establishes dominance, but tells them to go away."

"Did you hear about the woman who beat Usain Bolt? Turns out it was race related."

"Fox news in four words: ""I'm not racist, but..."""

"Me: You can't arrest me. I have to run a marathon today. Cop: Stop playing the race card."

"That awkward movement when you... read movement as moment."

"Ivan Pavlov is sitting at a pub enjoying a pint the phone rings and he jumps up shouting ""Oh shit, I forgot to feed the dog!"""

"The cow says ""Moo."" The pig says ""Oink."" The dog says Ed..ward."

"Called Comcast to see about dropping my service and long story short, If anyone wants to watch Showtime, call me on one of my 36 landlines."