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Joke of the Day
"The older Cameron Diaz gets, the more she and Mickey Rourke look like brothers."
Next Joke
"That's not what he meant!"
"Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He drank his coffee before it was cool. Credit to my 15 yo son who made this one up. I'm fairly certain he browses Reddit but he wouldn't admit it to me."
"What do you call a cold hotdog? A cold-dog"
"you think YOU'RE tired. I'm even MORE tired for the reasons I'm about to list. This is a competition for some reason."
"If only success was measured by how self deprecating you could be... ...I'd still be below average."
"I decided to make my password ""incorrect"" because if I type it in wrong, my computer will remind me, ""Your password is incorrect."""
"Why was the guitar teacher arrested? For fingering A minor."
"A zendetta is when you launch a blood feud against a killer who murdered your entire family, but remain pretty chill about the whole thing."
"Using Latin phrases to sound smart is my modus operandi."