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Joke of the Day

"If I could meet any celebrity it might have to be David Schwimmer. In a schwimming pool. Learning how to schwim."

"If a midget smokes weed... does he get high, or medium?"

"What do the U.S.S. Enterprise and Toilet Paper have in common? They both wipe out Klingons."

"Whenever someone says smart phones are turning people into zombies, look up from your phone just long enough to bite them."

"What's the difference between Chris Brown and a Tesla? The Tesla gets fewer battery charges in a year."

"You ever notice most Ford vehicle names are more fun when you put ""anal"" in front? Probe, Explorer, Excursion..."

"""Doctors report a new super effective painkiller."" Its axed shaped for splitting headaches!"

"What's the fastest way to get a ripped body? Take highwhey."

"told my Subway sandwich artist the toppings I wanted but then I whispered ""love"" so now I can't go to that Subway anymore"

"I remember when the M in MTV stood for Music not Maternity."