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Joke of the Day

"How many Wake Forest fraternity brothers does it take to make chocolate chip cookies? Seventeen. One to do it and sixteen to shell the M&M's."

"How do you gently wake up a sleeping baby? Don't preheat the oven when you bake it."

"What did the pervert say to the Sex Detective? I'm sorry officer I didn't know this was your jurisdicktion. I heard this on a movie years ago, can anyone guess which one it was?"

"Lady at the door asked if I'd found Jesus and I was all HOW IS HE MISSING, IT WAS YOUR DAY TO WATCH HIM. I don't think she'll be back."

"Yesterday I saw a horse-drawn carriage The proportions were a bit off but the shading and linework were quite remarkable."

"Nothing is certain but death and Adobe Flash Player updates."

"*pulls home cooked meal out of oven* *family awkwardly stares at me* Yup, this is definitely not my house."

"What is the difference between a crackhead and a walrus? One tooth"

"What is the best way to make your dick look and feel really big? Fuck a toddler."

"[on a date] Play it cool don't let her know you're a refrigerator [her ex-boyfriend turns off the electricity] ""This isn't cool man."""