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Joke of the Day

"After seeing some of the names on kids these days, you wonder if their parents were going all in for the Triple Word Score."

"Mr. Trump, who's your Secretary of State? TRUMP: To deal with China, one that speaks Mandarin [remembers to appeal to women] or Womandarin"

"What's a pirate's favorite sexual partner? Can't legally consent because they're retarrrrrrrrded."

"Dear Face Book you keep offering up people for me to friend, but then you get all concerned and ask me how I know them. You can't be the pimp and the cop!"

"What's the difference between an introverted physicist and an extroverted physicist? An extroverted physicist looks at *your* shoes when they're talking to you."

"What does a snail riding on a turtles back say? WWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

"The government should pay for everyone to get massages on November 9th."

"Somebody finally wrote a book about clock fetishes It's about fucking time."

"To get to the other side Why did the time traveler cross the road?"

"What do you feed an invisible cat? Evaporated Milk."