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Joke of the Day
"[movie theater] *reaches into wife's purse* *pulls out lasagna* me: Told you it'd work"
Next Joke
"Megan, but with an H? Whatever you say, girls named Hmegan."
"Ok, milk... Check! Potato salad... Check! Tomatoes... Check! ""Sir, can you wait for the total and just write one check please?"""
"I can't wait for thanksgiving. It's an election year so that means there will be at least 4 fist fights and someone's getting disowned."
"Before I do anything important, I always ask myself ""would this gain house points for Gryffindor or lose house points for Gryffindor?"""
"How do you cook toilet paper? It's easy, you first brown it and then put it into the pot."
"People accept that God exists & created the universe without evidence or proof but if you tell them Facebook is down they immediately check."
"In addition to Billie Chin and little Sammy Chong, there is another character in Carl Douglas's ""Kung Fu Fighting."" Expert Tai Ming."
"What does Vin Diesel call ""pin the tail on the donkey""? Fasten the furry ass."
"Why do women wear perfume and makeup? Because they stink and they're ugly."