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Joke of the Day

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa, Not screaming and on fire like his passengers"

"Can you imagine how awesome sprinkles would be if they tasted like anything?!"

"Where is the safest place to stay at Ferguson? The public pool, if it is too crowded try the library."

"The Super Bowl is a great opportunity to let 200 million people know your ad agency sucks."

"My personal trainer told me to listen to my body at the gym so I punched him in the face and went to get some ice cream."

"Why is the Math Book so sad? It has so many problems! -Sorry doing a whole bunch of math today and i thought of this."

"I've always wanted to be in a circle jerk, but nobody else was interested... So I started cloning myself, and now I've come full circle!"

"I always say no to drugs. But, if they ever start deep frying them, I'm in big trouble."

"People say I have a dry sense of humor. So when you hate everyone the word to describe that is dry now I guess."

"How many assholes does it take to change a lightbulb? It doesn't matter, mine itches so bad it's on fire, providing plenty of light for everyone in the room!"