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Joke of the Day

"A duck walks into a store and says, ""Give me some fucking Chapstick."" The clerk says, ""Alright, settle down you feathered cunt... How are you going to pay for that?"" ""Oh, just put it on my bill."""

"I don't like vegetables, so somebody told me to get a juicer. It didn't help. That thing tasted worse than the vegetables."

"What's the worst advice calculus can give you? Integral of e^x because that's Se^x dx and it's never a good idea to sex the ex!"

"3 men were on a boat.. And all they had were 4 cigarettes. Unsure on what to do, one of them throws a cigarette overboard. Now the boat was a cigarette lighter."

"What did Neil Armstrong say when he was offered another trip to the moon 'I'm over the moon'"

"*buys roofies, slips then into girlfriends drink, plays video games for 8 hours straight in peace and quiet*"

"Leprecauns and gay guys must end up at the same places a lot."

"Why did the dentist divorce the manicurist? She tried to stick her finger in his cavity."

"Why did Moses spend 40 years romeing in the desert he dropped a quarter"

"What do you call a lesbian chicken? A sticky beak!"