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Joke of the Day

"""911, what's your emergency?"" ""My kids are being jerks."" ""Hey, Christian, you can't keep calling here."" ""Are you gonna send help?"" ""..."""

"Is Jared Fogle going to jail?? Because I heard he's looking at 8-12 years..."

"If you don't drink... ...then all of your stories suck and end with, ""And then I got home"""

"What is a grasshopper? An insect on a pogo stick."

"What do you call someone who pushes people down stairs? A stairorist."

"Making the Least of Life by Minnie Mumm"

"Homophobic means you're scared of your house."

"I found a great app to search for Greek restaurants in your neighborhood. It's called Gyroscope."

"My daughter got a sticker from her teacher that said 'resilient tortoise.' I've sent her in with one to give in return, 'patronizing hippo.'"

"Rather than buy a gun, I've been studying ""Home Alone"" and now defend my home with marbles and old gangster movies."