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Joke of the Day

"I think my wife has weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more and more evil... ...I don't know how much she charges him."

"Wanna hear the best knock knock joke? Yes? Okay, but you gotta start off. * You: okay... knock knock. * Me: Who's there? * You: ... * Me: .. * You: ....... * Me: thats the joke, fool."

"*desperately tries to get screaming newborn daughter latched onto my nipple* hmmmm. she must not realize I'm a feminist"

"BlackJack Jack be nimble Jack be quick Cuz Jack just stole that candlestick"

"Just had a very thorough pat-down by a TSA agent. Now he wants to talk about my feelings, but I'm soooo sleepy."

"Have you got a copy of ""Living with a small penis ?"" Librarian ""I don't think its in yet"" ""Yep thats the one"" I replied"

"Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a brick? A: When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around for two weeks whining."

"What is the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts? Deer nuts are under a buck."

"[couple tossing baby back and forth] [music stops] judge: custody granted dad: [holding baby] AW DAMMIT"

"What if... ... in like 30 years they made a film about Leonardo DiCraprio and how he never won an Oscar...and the actor who played him got an Oscar."