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Joke of the Day

"[harsh] I'm very open-minded, if I have a daughter she can be whatever she wants when she turns 18: stripper, whore, you name it ...because by then she's gotten too old for my tastes anyway."

"Sally Why did Sally fall of the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock (Reader says who's there) Not Sally."

"*Attempts to use 'I have a boyfriend' meme* Meme: I have a boyfriend."

"What is Michael Bay's favorite move in chess? C4"

"If you plug in a toaster and take it into the bathtub with you, it will get rid of your hiccups."

"Children are like AIDS They are sexually transmitted, incurable till death and they fuck up your sex lives."

"Why do they call it Black Friday? I dunno, I'm just waiting to hear white people ask how come there's no White Friday."

"Be nice to kids. Seriously, they have guns now."

"When I was little I told my mom, ""when I grow up I want to be a magician."" ... She said to me, ""you can't do both!"""

"If I ever shot the sheriff, I'd probably go ahead and shoot the deputy too. Along with any other witnesses, because at that point why not."