115398

Joke of the Day

"Apparently, saying ""make it a double"" followed by an awkward wink doesn't work at the pharmacy."

"I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me."

"""Where do you see yourself in five years?"" In 2020."

"My kitten is probably the most playful creature on the planet, but it's less cute when you realize it's all just bird murder practice."

"BIRDMAN Little girl: ""Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'"" Mother: ""Because he thinks he's a chicken."" Little girl: ""Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?"" Mother: ""We need the eggs."""

"What's the difference between a joke and 100 dicks in your ass? You can't take a joke."

"How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes pile up."

"Did you hear about the lesbian couple who couldn't afford a double-headed dildo? They were having trouble making ends meet"

"How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?"

"You say ""potato"", I say ""This isn't working. I think we are unhealthy together and you scare the shit out of me. Keep the cat. He hates me."""