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Joke of the Day

"Once you have to start paying a babysitter every time you go out, you realize most friendships aren't worth it."

"I was walking down the street one day when I heard someone playing Dancing Queen and Mamma Mia on the didgeridoo. That's Abba-rigonal"

"I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised."

"Just made this up. What did one cannibal-rapist say to the other? ""Let's do lunch."""

"At what age do you switch from puppy to dry dog food? My daughter is 14 months old."

"An advent calendar for jehova's witnesses Behind each door, someone tells you to fuck off."

"What do straight guys and lesbians have in common? They both like girls"

"Got diagnosed with Kyohosis The doctor diagnosed me with kyphosis. 85 degree curvature. I had my suspicions for a while, but the diagnosis proved to me that it wasn't just a hunch."

"What do you call a group of black cartographers? Niggas with Latitude."

"I'm sorry that you invited me over to your apartment for dinner and I created a negative Yelp review about the experience"