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Joke of the Day

"What do you call someone who just had sex with a necrophiliac? Sliad."

"I wonder how long it will be before ""You look like a million bucks"" is an insult. #inflation"

"She said: ""I want to have your children."" . Me: ""They'll be on the first bus in the morning."""

"What did the scientist see when he looked up his family tree? A gorilla pooped on his face."

"Growing up, I had a best friend. When we first met we didn't see eye to eye, but then he grew on me."

"When is a car not a car? When it turns into a parking lot."

"I used to be married to a girl with a wooden leg. But then I broke it off."

"""All lower case?"" -your mom getting an email address"

"Why did God put men on the Earth? Becuase a vibrator can't mow the lawn."

"Ladies, if you think being clumsy is cute, I once stabbed my date in the gums with a fork trying to feed her a bite of spaghetti"