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Joke of the Day

"I tried to impress a girl by putting my foot down on the pedal... ..turns out she'd seen a bin open like that before."

"What did the bread maker say to the wheat? I loave you."

"I like to throw bottles into the ocean with notes that just say, k."

"How do you cut off a redneck's dick? Kick his sister in the jaw"

"I wish I was able to say as many things with a simple 'mmmmhhhmmmmm' as your average elderly black woman."

"TIL Humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey."

"Enough with the gay jokes Come on guys"

"How does a sailor suit? With a bowtie!"

"Drunkenly changed my voicemail to ""if you like cheese, press 2. Para Spanish, press cheese. To hear more cheeses, say goooo-DA"""

"sorry I didn't answer when you called, I had 6 Peeps in my mouth"