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Joke of the Day

"I tried to impress a girl by putting my foot down on the pedal... ..turns out she'd seen a bin open like that before."

"ELECTRICIAN: [walks into home] GF: WHY ARE YOU IN SO LATE? E: Honey, we've talked about this. GF: [sadly] Ok.... wire you insulate?"

"Why did the wizard ask a pretty chick to throw a heavy box on him ? Not just the hard on............ it would've made him more flexible"

"My wife gives me the speaking treatment."

"The people at U.P.S are assholes. They sent me a message telling me I have a small Package... I mean, what are they doing opening my mail and looking at my pictures anyway?"

"She said I was average. That's just mean."

"When your 3yo spits a chewed up wad of cheese into your hand and you're like ""where did you find this, I didn't give you any cheese today?"""

"What is ISIS? They are Radical!!! Please don't hurt me...."

"Why are there never any GOOD side effects? Just once I'd like to read a prescription bottle that says, ""May cause extreme sexiness."""

"Why is sex during a camping trip so exciting? It's in tents."