55220

Joke of the Day

"What do you call a confederate that's bleeding out? A rebel without a gauze"

"Why wasn't Caitlyn Jenner charged with vehicular manslaughter? It wasn't her fault. Her tranny slipped."

"How do you get a hipster to take a shower? Give them a leaky showerhead. You know, so they can avoid the main stream."

"A woman was masturbating furiously on the subway The police were going to arrest her, but she got off."

"I came back from war to find out that I had missed the birth of my wife's second child. Turns out, I also missed the conception."

"[park bench with girlfriend] so you're dumping me because you don't think I'm smart? ""yes brent"" *starts raining* great and now sky water"

"Two snowmen are standing next to each other in a field when one looks over to the other and asks: ""Do you smell carrots?"""

"A woman is late to a fight. She takes a seat next to several men. ""How many cocks have been beaten?"" she asks. ""None, until now,"" says a man with a smile."

"Why aren't there more jokes about Jim Jones? I think it's because usually the punchline is too long"

"Things to get done: Make coffee, Drive a train high on cocaine, Rent a lion to eat my neighbor's dog, clean up mess from that lion thing."