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Joke of the Day

"""welcom to salad shop do u want a salad"" yes ""do u want chicken on it"" yes ""do u want bread on the side"" r u just selling unmade sandwiches"

"What do call a whore in Alaska? An eskihoe"

"wife:Gotta go. You guys gonna be ok? me [making my Pop-Tart pop out of the toaster and trying to catch it] Come on! wife:9, you're in charge"

"I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid of ending up in a nursing home with a roommate who has Justin Bieber posters and Twilight shirts."

"If by self-help you mean helping myself to all the liquor in your cabinet... Then yeah... I'm about as self-helpful as they come."

"What's the best part of living in Alabama? You don't live in Mississippi."

"VLUT = A Virgin that act's like a SLUT"

"[job interview] Interviewer: It says here that you are a blowfish. Would you care to expand?"

"What political party does Donald Trump belong to? The Whig Party"

"My Girlfriend told me she had an STD Gonorrhoea-valuate our relationship now."