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Joke of the Day

"Me: C'mon, baby. Send me a pic. Her: I dunno. Me: Baby, please. I need it. Her: Fine. *Opens pic of pug dressed like a duck* Me: Sweeeeeet"

"Ellen Pao couldn't become a Miss America, so instead she became a Miss Ogynist."

"if you're in a sports bar but don't understand sports just keep repeating the phrase ""damn they gotta get him the ball."" everyone will agree"

"What do you call a large pile of kittens? A meowntain."

"Fire alarms are dangerous and should not be in the house. Why? Because when it starts the house is on fire!"

"Just a reminder not to wear white after Labor Day and not to be black around cops."

"How do they calculate global warming? Al-gore-ythms"

"I didn't sleep very good last night... So I put some Monster Energy drink in my coffee this morning. I got halfway to work before before I realised I forgot my car."

"What do you call a drummer who just broke up with his girlfriend? Homeless"

"how do you piss of a frenchman? ask him what part of canada he's from"