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Joke of the Day

"After a disappointing summer, Humpty Dumpty ended up having a great fall."

"No end in sight... I can't see an end. I have no control. I don't think there's any escape. I don't even have a home anymore. Time for a new keyboard."

"What do you and Ronda Rousey have in common? You will both be watching the next title fight from home."

"What do you call a seagull over the bay? A Bagel"

"A woman is looking in the mirror... She complains to her husband:""I'M OLD AND FAT!"" To which her husband replies: ""Your eyesight is still ok."""

"Q. Why did the jellybean go to school? A. Because he wanted to be a smarty"

"* see weird traffic pattern * turns down radio * smoothly avoids gargantuan pothole * runs over sign saying avoid gargantuan pothole"

"Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you."

"What's the difference between au jus and a jew? Au jus is boiled but a jew is baked."

"I asked my Grandfather what it's like to have Alzheimer's. He stared blankly at me as he no longer remembers any of his family members or how to construct sentences."