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Joke of the Day

"Only a woman can make you a millionaire if you are a billionaire."

"Got 45 minutes to kill? Watch a senior citizen put a key on a keychain."

"I've recently taken up a class in French Self Defense... It's exhausting, I've never ran so far!"

"I'm the most bashful person in the world, until you get me on the dance floor. Then I become the most bashful newborn giraffe in the world."

"Why are knives always the funniest students at utensil school? Because they're the class cut-ups."

"Meltdowns are what happens when you compartmentalize your thoughts, but forget to label them."

"""Beat me."" said the masochist. ""No."" said the sadist."

"I hate it when I'm at someone's party and they keep asking stupid questions like... ""Who are you?"" and ""Is that a gun?"""

"God said, ""Thou shall not kill"" And then he wiped out the entire human race with a global flood just because people didn't take it seriously"

"What would Ronald Reagan be doing if he were alive today? He'd be scratching at the lid of his coffin yelling, ""Let me out! I'm alive! Let me out!!"""