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Joke of the Day

"What came before the Big Bang? The Big Foreplay."

"I cried when I cut up onions... Onions was a good dog."

"What do Jewish kids say to their Christian friends at Christmas? Sorry we killed your saviour, can we play with his new toys."

"Rest in peace Dave ""The Diamond"" Clancy, and any other celebrity I just made up."

"Why do chicken coups have two doors? Because if they had 4 doors they'd be a chicken sedan."

"It would make more sense to put a teacher in every gun shop."

"Why couldn't the blind man go skydiving? It would of scared the shit out of the dog."

"A short facts list 1) 50% of facts are made up 2) I made up the first fact"

"""hey dad, when did they outlaw hyperboles?"" ""hmm i dont know son, like a bajillion million years ago? idiot"" *cops bust down door*"

"Me, as a judge: OK we'll take a quick recess now. *lawyers start discussing lawyer things* *I go outside and swing on the swingset*"