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Joke of the Day

"Rest in peace Dave ""The Diamond"" Clancy, and any other celebrity I just made up."

"When people post statuses like ""Don't text or call me! Bad mood!"" Um, no one was ever going text/call you in the first place. Just saying'"

"I can't remember what age I am? Last time I checked I was 15, and that was 10 years ago!"

"call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won't remember... Call her fat once and she will never forget. Thats because elephants never forget =)"

"Why shouldn't you get asylum in Russia? Cuz you'd be snowed-in"

"What do you call a black man on the moon... An Astronaut!"

"*THUD* ""What was that?"" ""My pants fell down."" ""...Why so loud?"" ""I'm wearing them."""

"The sign said, ""Call Jesus for help."" The next day I had a Mexican guy mowing my lawn."

"What' the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef, but not everyone can pea soup. (As told by my 8yo, who made me laugh with a joke for the first time. Proud dad moment.)"

"Destroying the Death Star was a terrorist act. Allah Ackbar!!!!!"