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Joke of the Day

"Me, as a judge: OK we'll take a quick recess now. *lawyers start discussing lawyer things* *I go outside and swing on the swingset*"

"my wife is so ungrateful for christmas I got her an electric chair and she won't even sit in it."

"Kids are fun to be around. Then they start kicking, screaming, drooling, crying, fighting and then you're just grateful they're not yours."

"What do you call bears without ears? B."

"Why do old Jews watch pornos backwards? They like to see the hookers give the money back''''"

"I wish people who made amateur porn would clean up their rooms first."

"Two nuns sitting in a car at lights... ... when Dracula jumps on the bonnet and roars an evil roar. ""Quick, show him your cross!"" ""Oi Dracula, get off my damn car!"""

"It's Shark Week again already? It seems like only yesterday I put the decorations away from last year."

"What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo? One's heavy and the other is a little lighter..."

"[orders 2,000 Big Macs thinking I'll only have to tell my mom 'I love her' for them] Cashier: that'll be $5,364.32 Me: shit"