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Joke of the Day
"And when you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the ... Paul Ryan"
Next Joke
"I used to be a banker... But I lost interest in the job"
"Caitlin Jenner isn't transgender. She's trans-Jenner."
"I don't like my financial adviser. He put the ""douche"" in Fiduciary"
"I tell people I broke my neck playing sports but it was actually from flicking my ponytail to unleash ancient curses."
"[first date] ME: one of my biggest pet peeves is people who think the world revolves around them MY DATE, WHO IS THE SUN: i see"
"If you open Pandora's Box you better at least buy her dinner."
"Best advice I can give to newlyweds is to buy a really comfortable couch."
"I recently switched over to cinnamon flavored toothpaste so when I do brush my teeth, I can't tell how much my gums are bleeding."
"PILOT OVER INTERCOM: I have some bad news, but before I tell you, keep in mind that the Wright bros could only stay airborne for 12 seconds"