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Joke of the Day

"Never go to restaurants with Hipster Chefs. The food is spoiled. They've been using refrigerators before they were cool."

"The perfect woman is 3 feet 4 inches tall with a square head ... So you can rest a can of beer on her head while she blows you."

"They say kids grow up fast but I just licked my thumb & wiped my son's face so parents grow up fast too. I've already become my grandmother."

"What does a crappy Carpenter make? Loose stools"

"Sitting around the outdoor campfire I chuckle to myself My friend asks, what's so funny? I reply, ""I can't tell you out here, it's an inside joke."""

"My math teacher called me average How mean."

"Unless the girl is hot, when she asks how I want my hair cut, I'll say ""In silence"""

"""I'm frying some fish for supper, so yall come over & eat"" is what I said. ""You're also gonna be helping me move my piano"" is what I meant."

"Did you know Japanese goddess Izanami was a Nazi? Just read her name backwards!"

"I believe that old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets covering their legs are actually retired mermaids."