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Joke of the Day

"The perfect woman is 3 feet 4 inches tall with a square head ... So you can rest a can of beer on her head while she blows you."

"Did you hear about the new winter resort that caters exclusively to men with erectile disfunction? It's called Lake Flaccid."

"I once went to an open air Queen concert. It was good, but there was a terrible electrical storm during the set Thunderbolts and lightning, very very frightening..."

"What does Batman get in his drink? Just Ice"

"Cheap prostitutes are like coffee If you put your dick in them it's gonna burn"

"How do you make a cat go woof? You pour some gasoline and toss a match and WOOF!"

"Why was Adele's phone bill $500 this month? She must have called a 1,000 times"

"What did the kid with cancer get for Christmas? Nothing, he didn't make it that far."

"Dear phone. If you wouldn't remind me every ten seconds that my battery was low, I'd be able to finish my status upda"

"Throwing burgers around furniture because I have a hunch that termites only eat wood because they have not tried anything tastier."