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Joke of the Day

"Why do people say ""Be there or be square""? Because if you're not there, then you're not around."

"DAD: What happened to your car? SON: Transmission is shot. Reverse doesn't work. DAD: Well... SON: Don't- DAD: There's no going back now"

"A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says ""We don't sever your kind"". The mushroom says ""Why not, I'm a fun guy""."

"""911 wats ur emergency"" hi-- huh? um-- so, uh-- ah. oh geez. well im only just now realizimg that the girl at the bar gave me a fake number"

"My 3-year-old referred to her granola bar as a, ""NOLA bar"" and now she's wearing Mardi Gras beads and asking me to make jambalaya."

"Genie: 1st wish ME: I wish for a pen G: #2 M: another pen G: wtf M: I already lost the 1st pen G: and ur 3rd M: ur not going to believe this"

"I was going to work this morning and sat across from a really hot Thai girl on the train. I kept blushing and sweating and thinking ""Please don't get a hard-on"". But she did."

"Nerdy Joke. What are two females doing after a threesome? Load-balancing. Badum-tsss."

"For gamers of a certain age Why did Rodney Dangerfield always make such unbalanced RPG characters? He never got no respec. *edited to make grammar worse"

"Whats the difference between jelly and jam? I can't jelly my cock up your mom's ass"