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Joke of the Day

"[Gets Twitter error: ""Somehow, somewhere, something went wrong""] I know Twitter, I know. That's why I'm here."

"How many Germans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. German light bulbs don't break."

"Whats E.T.'s first name? Yodela"

"What did one strawberry say to the other? ""If you hadn't been so fresh, we wouldn't be in this jam!"""

"Knock knock Who's there? Owls . . . Owls who? Yes they do"

"Why are Mumford & Sons the only agnostic rock band? Because they don't even know if they believe."

"What's the difference between a tea bag and England? A tea bag stays longer in a cup."

"There's a special hole in my backyard for people to hit me in the back of the ankles with a shopping cart."

"Dates are cool when I tell them I worked in a prison for twenty five years. But man, if I forget that a'..."

"The boy was so lazy that he got up a bit earlier so that he could do nothing for a bit longer."