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Joke of the Day

"My gynecologist recognized me at the grocery store, so I guess I need to start wearing longer skirts."

"Bill Clinton right now, texting Monica Lewinsky ""You up?"""

"""I need a timing belt & power steering for my life"" I say to my new bros, using the only 2 car-terms I know in a single testosterone bullet."

"Gays and ISIS ... are fucking assholes."

"It's inspiring today to see so many voters researching and learning about an important issue they voted on yesterday"

"I need Irish jokes, pronto! Just 'cause"

"Did you hear about the Crucifixion victims? They're screwed up."

"Wanna talk about Sodium? Na Nitric Oxide? NO Oxygen Magnesium Phosphorus Iodine Sulfur or Fluorine? OMg PISS OFF ...Potassium? K"

"If u want to sound smart just make up coding languages. Like ""yeah I know DeltaCube, 17v and Amorph,"" literally nobody will know theyre fake"

"My mum said I couldn't go out past 12. My teenage years are going to be very lonely."