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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a nose with no body? Nobody nose."

"I'm really worried Justin Timberlake is going to have me naked by the end of this song."

"I got jumped by five black guys in Baltimore. The car started right up but they said I'd need a new battery."

"How do you know if someone's a pilot? because they'll fucking tell you."

"In what month are Rabbis dishonest? Jew-lie"

"Did you hear what the ridiculous fraction ordered for lunch? I don't know either but I heard she tried to halve split-pea soup and pay with a quarter."

"Chipotle Haiku This chipotle is having a poetry contest for some reason. Here's my haiku: Eating chipotle. They messed up my order... Again I will die alone"

"Today I sent out a text saying, ""Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?"" 12 people called me...I need damn smarter friends."

"Why did the motorcycle fall asleep? It was two-tired."

"What's the difference between a black man and an archealogist? One is a nerdy digger."