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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic... But if I'm gonna have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord."

"Q: What do sneezes wear on their feet? A: Ahhh-shoes."

"A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a bar... ...and the bartender says, ""What is this, a joke?"""

"Why aren't you allowed to smile when taking your driver IDs? Because you won't be smiling when the cops pull you over."

"I got a haircut recently. I thought it was too short at first, but it's started to grow on me."

"My mom always has these great sayings for life, like ""Don't count your chickens before they hatch"" and ""Everybody hates you."""

"As a funeral director, I always tie the shoe laces together of the deceased.The zombie apocalypse will be hilarious."

"I'm addicted to Nun porn... It's a bad habit."

"Nu Finish makes a Scratch Doctor to get unwanted scratches out of your car... They should make a Biatch Doctor!"

"""Oh man, that thing looks irritated"" - me, pulling into the airport parking lot and seeing my mother-in-law waiting on the curb"