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Joke of the Day

"When an avocado and a duck mate, what sound does the offspring make? Guac!"

"My background check bounced."

"Sigh. Woodstock '99 was a terrible use of this Time Machine."

"Errors have been made. Others will be blamed."

"Boomerang I'd like to buy a new boomerang please. Also, can you tell me how to throw the old one away ?"

"I have a friend named ""Chris Hoffman"" I asked him to name his son Jack."

"In order to save space, Ricky Gervais & Seth McFarlane are both one guy now. Frankly, it's been a long time coming"

"My mom was the best mom. I hope your mom spends today thinking about what she could've done to get on my mom's level."

"*driving my date to the ER* I told you my possum doesn't like direct eye contact. This one is on you."

"Girls hate it when you give them Christmas presents with an implied expectation, like an iron, a food processor, or knee pads."