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Joke of the Day

"*standing behind home plate* -Beware of my dog-like reflexes. -Shouldn't it be cat-like reflexes? *catches baseball with my face*"

"[describing sketch artist to criminal] He was pretty good at drawing pictures."

"A mugger was able to lure a woman very easily behind the building where he always sits... She was right up his alley."

"What's better than winning the lottery? Winning it the day after your divorce comes through."

"I saw your mother kicking a can down the street with one shoe. I asked her if she'd lost a shoe. ""Naw, found one"""

"So a realtor is passing out information for a house as potential buyers are walking in at an Open House A guy says ""Hey, can I see one of those pamphlets?"" The realtor says ""Brochure"""

"I will never forget where I was when I heard the news that JFK was shot. (8th grade history class)"

"Can a woman make a man a millionaire? Only if he's a billionaire. Credits to Kevin Hart"

"How do you wake up Lady Gaga..? POKER FACE ... BAHAHAHA!!!"

"HOW TO BEAT YOUR COMPUTER AT CHESS WITHIN 5 SECONDS: just set the difficulty to OBAMA.It will never come up with a strategy."