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Joke of the Day

"My 5yo is a pretty good drawer but there's only so many t-shirts you can fit into a tiny person."

"Meteorologists always have their heads in the clouds But gastroenterologists take shit seriously"

"Every day, I hope I don't get bitten by a spider. I'm not afraid of spiders, I just don't want the responsibility of being a superhero."

"I just got an email offering ""free bible verses"". You know, because who can afford bible verses?"

"Did you ever notice how men always leave the toilet seat up? THAT'S THE JOKE."

"Twitter's ""suggestions for you"" should include the basics, too, like ""get more sleep"" and ""have you responded to that email from your mom?"""

"Harry POTter? Hermione GANJer?HufflePUFF?? More like the sorcerer's STONED. Wake up, America, JK Rowling has a hidden agenda."

"""Whatever you do in bed, Sealy supports it"". Clearly whoever came up with that ad doesn't watch CSI."

"Coworker: What would be your ideal- Me: Sleeping CW: But you didn't let me finish my- M: My answer is always sleeping."

"A very interesting poem > I dig > You dig > He dig > She dig > They dig > We dig It might not be very long, but I think it is very deep."