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Joke of the Day

"Don't tell me you're coming to my party on facebook then go for something better last minute ugh have fun at ""the wake"" or whatever"

"An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: Our furnace stopped working and we had to burn it to stop ourselves from freezing"

"My girlfriend wants to be in a long distance relationship, according to this restraining order."

"My mom nearly had a stroke in a strip club last night..... But she couldn't quite reach."

"Q: How do you kill a circus? A: Go for the juggler."

"I lost all my drafts in the last update. Twitter did you all a favor."

"I have no sympathy for amateurs who make sex tapes or take nude pics of themselves and cry ""invasion of privacy"" when they fail to safeguard them and they leak to the media and public."

"I'm 82 and I have the body of a 25-year-old supermodel. But it takes up too much room in my freezer... any suggestions?"

"I heard that Hillary Clinton is actually made of tofu. She's white, bland, uninspiring and not tasty unless dipped in melty cheese."

"Abortions........ Really suck the life outta you"