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Joke of the Day

"I'm 82 and I have the body of a 25-year-old supermodel. But it takes up too much room in my freezer... any suggestions?"

"What do gay people call each other on? Homophones."

"Charlie And The Chocolate Factory is my favourite book about a weird guy who murders four children then convinces another to live with him."

"I remember the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket... ""How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"""

"Where is the 'L' in christmas? There is noel"

"""Dammit"" or ""Damnit"" are both acceptable, unless you are over the age of sixty, in which case ""Dagnabit"" is required."

"What is a double-wide salad? It's a salad for people who can't afford a house salad"

"Why couldn't the lifeguard save the drowning hippie? [x-post from r/gratefuldead ] Because he was too far out man!"

"At Walmart checkout other day:Cashier: ""you have a dog?"" Scanning dog food.Hubz: No, our kid needs the protein."

"Two Muslim extremists chatting... One says: So I heard we're going to a concert on the 14th? Other says: Yeah, Guns and Roses."