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Joke of the Day

"I heard that Hillary Clinton is actually made of tofu. She's white, bland, uninspiring and not tasty unless dipped in melty cheese."

"So I'm here at the wailing wall, like a moron, with my harpoon."

"""Vini Vidi Venti"" --I came, I saw, I ordered the large coffee at Starbucks."

"Have you heard of the movie *Constipation*? ""Can't say I have."" ""That's because it hasn't came out yet."""

"What's big, black and steals you credit card? Sony Playstation 3"

"A Roman guy walks into a bar He holds up two fingers and says ""five beers please"""

"Accidentally opened Excel. Decided to roll with it and get my life together. See you all never."

"Drank orange juice right after brushing my teeth so I think I know what death feels like."

"[at Victoria's Secret] *folding panties on table* ""Sir, where are the fitting rooms?"" Oh, I don't work here. *continues folding panties*"

"I used to play Rock-Paper-Scissors professionally. I made money hand over fist."