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Joke of the Day

"An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: Our furnace stopped working and we had to burn it to stop ourselves from freezing"

"'Twas the night before Thanksgiving, and I'm out of breath I've been in the kitchen all day, cooking up meth."

"How do you fit 100 dead babies in a barrel? with a blender. How do you get them out? With a straw."

"Why is ""jizz"" such a great word? Because of how nicely it rolls off your tongue"

"I know it's rude to ask someone about their pregnancy if you're unsure, but my hubby looks about 4 months along & the suspense is killing me"

"My best friend died in a freak boiling water accident. He will be mist."

"I hate it when I try to impress a date by taking her to a nice restaurant and she orders something that isn't on my coupon."

"What was the name of the Mongolian warlord's favorite cow? Angus Khan"

"A jumper cable walks into a bar... The bartender says, ""I'll serve you, but you better not start anything!"""

"What they say: ""Wow, you're really photogenic."" What they mean: ""Wow, this looks nothing like how ugly you actually are."""