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Joke of the Day

"I told my girlfriend her bond villain nickname is Winter Snow... Because she is so flakey I then called her Nigerian Prince for not delivering on her promises. True story"

"Tweets What's the difference between a tweet and a twat? One makes the other."

"*Cowboy stares at the horizon* ""A storm's comin"" [In the distance, Darude 'Sandstorm' can be heard faintly] *Cowboy cracks a glowstick*"

"What do you call the state of having confidence? I'm sorry, it's confidential."

"I'm not saying all Irish are alcoholics, but Italians, Chinese + Mexicans have restaurants. The Irish only have pubs."

"A mugger jumps out in front of a university student... ...and shouts ""your money or your life!"" The student keeps walking, and says ""Sorry mate, I'm a Computer Science student. I don't have either""."

"there are 1,013,913 english words but I never could string together any of them to accurately explain how much I want to hit u with a chair"

"Surprisingly, Mike Rowe from the show Dirty Jobs has trouble with women. They all say he has a Mike Rowe penis."

"When I was younger my fairy godmother asked me if I'd like a long penis or a long memory I forget my response."

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, just like my uncle Charlie Not kicking and screaming like the passengers on his bus"