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Joke of the Day

"Panty-less waxed woman hanging off a bridge ""I'm gonna jump into that canoe"". Me: ""No that's your reflection""."

"I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with but fuck you."

"Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs? He doesn't want anyone to know he's fucking a chicken."

"Starve a cold. Feed a fever. Humiliate a rash. Flatter a migraine. Friendzone diarrhea. Date cramps. Bring anxiety home to meet the family."

"As he inserted the rectal thermometer, I got a painfully hard and obvious erection. ""Maybe you should wait outside while I examine your dog,"" said the vet."

"This one time in High School I ate an entire roll of quarters Shit was so cash"

"Have you heard that there's a new mountain website? Really? I must take a peak at it!"

"Used lettuce for my burger bun tonight. I've never been more prepared to become your most hated Facebook friend."

"My wife told me that I am very controlling. She'll stay locked in the closet with the dog collar on until she apologizes for her comment."

"What do you call a car if you don't know its gender? Mitsuheshe."