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Joke of the Day

"My wife told me that I am very controlling. She'll stay locked in the closet with the dog collar on until she apologizes for her comment."

"I told a friend of mine that me and other friends were talking about him behind his back. He told me, ""You disgust me."" And I said, ""Yes. Yes we did."""

"Chemistry Joke! Why can't acids argue well? All their statements are baseless."

"I belched chickpeas in front of the Queen... She gave me a post-houmous pardon."

"A curious tradition -- to look at a newborn baby and say to yourself, ""Because of your DNA, one day you will rule over me."""

"Parents tell you their baby's weight because they have no other information. They can't say ""Meet Jim, a free spirit who's into yodeling."""

"What did the little cell say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? My toe sis!"

"Dad: relax kids, no monkey business in a nice restaurant [table over] Monkey 1: *slams briefcase shut, stands up* Monkey 2: not worth it man"

"Why do women only use putters while playing golf? Because women can't drive."

"What's a butt's favorite exercise? High Knees"