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Joke of the Day

"If I ran the world, I would enforce a police state where everyone would have to weigh-in before being allowed to order food."

"Why did the punk cross the road? He was safety-pinned to the chicken."

"What has 5 balls and rapes the poor? The lottery."

"Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team? Because everyone who can run, jump or swim is already in the states."

"Where do Jihadists get their snacks? At the Allah hu snackbar."

"I once applied for a job to work as a blacksmith.... The blacksmith asked me if I'd ever shooed a horse. I said ""no, but I once told a donkey to piss off."""

"I'm having trouble discerning my Twitter voice from my professional one. I just said ""What's up, slut?"" to our receptionist. Frigid bitch."

"I like my women like I like my steak Dead"

"You're breaking up with me because I ""don't put food in the correct things?"" WTF? After I've JUST made you a delicious bowl of toast??"

"For lack of a better word... Buy a thesaurus"