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Joke of the Day

"I'm having trouble discerning my Twitter voice from my professional one. I just said ""What's up, slut?"" to our receptionist. Frigid bitch."

"Hand Sanitizer: Helping us discover paper cuts we never knew we had"

"What did the proctologist do to those poor people's butts? He rectum."

"What do frogs drink ? Hot croako !"

"What do you call a nosy pepper? Jalapeno business."

"Pedophiles should be careful around farms Farmers are known for burying seeds."

"Me: And what do you do if I tell you I'm having a heart attack? Siri: I clear your browser history. Me: That's right darling."

"Slim walked into his local post office and noticed a new sign on the wall: MAN WANTED FOR ROBBERY IN MONTANA ""Gosh!"" he said ""If n only that job was in Texas Ah'd take it!"""

"I came here to tell a Mexican joke But that could be crossing a line."

"Me: it's robocop Wife: it's not robocop it's dangerous *a roomba with a gun taped to it is shooting at our cat*"