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Joke of the Day

"What did the magician's girlfriend say to the magician? I can't see you anymore."

"Me and my bed are in a committed relationship, I think my alarm clock is just jealous of our love."

"Physics 101: Heat expands objects.. You're fat.. you're hot"

"I accidentally inhaled some soap when I was washing my face and then I coughed and no bubbles came out. Cartoons are full of shit."

"""I bought a new car!"" Whoa that's a lemon, how much did you pay? ""Only $3,200"" Dude it's literally a piece of fruit ""Damn....not again"""

"Three guys are walking down the street, two of them walk into a bar.... the third one ducks"

"I used poo to wash my hair. What a sham! Poo doesn't work at all!"

"Ever have sex with a schizophrenic? It's fucking crazy."

"If you're having relationship problems, confess to God not Facebook."

"""You should only have to tell them once"" - People with no children"