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Joke of the Day

"An old married couple is talking... ...when the husband asks,""Sweetheart, have you ever slept with other men ?"" ""No, I only slept with you. I was awake with the others."""

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"I was late to a meeting traveling to West Virginia. I forgot to reset my watch to the mid 1800s."
"What do you call a lesbian with 1,000 semi-automatic guns? Militia Etheridge."
"The pigeons behind my apartment are fighting for claim to half a rain soaked hotdog. Fighting me."
"Don't look for a job in a funeral company It's a dying industry"
"Don't hate on Americans for not learning a foreign language. Hate on Americans for not learning English."
"""Fight Fire with Fire!"" - motto of my town's least successful volunteer fire company"
"5/6 doctors agree... Russian roulette is completely safe!"
"I'm sure everything will be fine. I'm sure of lots of things that are wrong. I'm highly fallible."
"Exercising Grandmother My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we don't know where the hell she is."