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Joke of the Day

"If I had a time machine, I'd go back & mess with myself. I'd delete and retweet frog my tweets monkey with random words giraffe inserted."

"Some elements walk into a bar... Oxygen, hydrogen, sulfer, sodium, and phosphorus all walk into a bar. The bartender says, ""OH SNaP!"""

"Can somebody explain to me why we still use coins? Really, it doesn't make cents."

"Me and Julio At Least 500 Feet Away From the Schoolyard"

"""Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus"" is on, followed by ""Mega Shark vs Crocasaurus"". Nice job, SyFy. Way to GIVE AWAY THAT GIANT OCTOPUS LOSES."

"I knew a woman who was very liberal with her kids. She had them aborted."

"""IT'S A BOY"" I shouted... With tears rolling down my face, I shouted out loud. ""I DON'T BELIEVE IT. A BOY!"" It was at that moment I decided never to visit Thailand again."

"If Italian westerns are called Spaghetti Westerns,then what are Japanese ones called? Sushi Westerns"

"I ordered some glue online but it hasn't arrived yet Must have gotten stuck in the post."

"7yo: I HAVE A LOOSE TOOTH! Me: The Tooth Fairy doesn't want you messing with it until payd...Friday."