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Joke of the Day

"What's Bruce Lee's favorite hotel to stay at? The HYATT!!"

"I knew my girlfriend was cheating on me when she texted me saying ""I'm out for dinner with my friend Emma"" because Emma was lying beside me in bed"

"English joke - What's another name for Santa's elves? Subordinate Clauses"

"How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a lightbulb? Oh.....it's fine. Forget about it. Seriously don't worry about it. I'm fine sitting here in the dark."

"Assholes are like opinions Everyone has one, and they all stink"

"*walks into starbucks* Me: HEY ANY ASPIRING AUTHORS HERE?? SOMEONE FROM PENGUIN PUBLISHING OUTSIDE!!! *has choice of any table*"

"Lol ""I'm not a pervert, I'm just a connoisseur of ass and titties."" My response after a female co-worker called me a pervert for commenting on a customer's ass as she walked past us."

"What education program did Eric Wright enroll in? ECE"

"Whats a Drummers favorite Pokemon? Rattata"

"We get it, painters: you love naked women and bowls of fruit."